Friday, August 12, 2011

DON’T POKE A BEAR WITH A STICK AND EXPECT TO LIVE FOREVER

Deep in the woods there lived a raccoon named Lawrence whom, everyone called Larry. Now Larry liked to show off his prowess at hunting to the other animals by doing feats that the other animals would not dare to do. For example, Larry liked to dive off a rock into a very deep river and come up out of the water with a trout in his mouth. Larry would also go up on a steep hill that was covered with holes where rattlesnakes lived. Larry would wait by a rattlesnake hole and then as the unsuspecting snake emerged from its hole Larry would grab the snake by the neck and commence to have a fast meal of rattlesnake.

Larry loved to show off and his antics did impress all the animals of the forest except for one. The one creature that was not at all impressed by Larry and seemed to ignore all of Larry’s exploits was Carl the black bear. Carl seemed dismissive of Larry and never stopped to observe Larry grab a fish by diving or catch a deadly rattlesnake by the neck. Instead, Carl just went about eating berries and bugs and anything else that was easy to catch for Karl did not like to expend energy unnecessarily.

In contrast to Carl, Larry did not care how much energy he expended as long as it got him an audience and with that audience recognition and respect. Larry of course noticed how Carl did not pay attention to Larry. Larry also noticed that with all of Carl’s great muscular physique that Carl just went through live eating easy to come by foods like berries and bugs instead of using his great muscles to bring down deer and other large animals. Larry imagined how he would use his powers if he were a bear. Larry would not only impress the other creatures of the forest but Larry would bully them into giving him respect. Every animal would move out of Larry’s way when Larry through the forest.

But alas, Larry did not have the physique of a black bear. Only very small animals were even remotely afraid of Larry no matter what Larry accomplished while showing off his hunting prowess. In fact, many animals thought Larry was just silly for carrying on with such dangerous hunting stunts as diving for fish and hunting deadly rattlesnakes. Larry heard the mumblings of some of the animals in regards to how silly Larry’s stunts made him look. The mumblings Larry become very mad because Larry was a proud raccoon and did not like to be made fun of.

Now Larry’s anger was not directed at the forest animals that made fun of him. Instead, as he watched how Carl the bear wasted his gifts of strength and power Larry began to resent and hate the black bear. After a while Larry began to hate the black bear so much that Larry to taunt Carl from a distance saying “You stupid bear. You look like a big dope plodding through the woods all day eating bugs and berries instead of hunting deer.” But, although Larry taunted Carl from a distance Carl never even looked Larry’s way. This made Larry even madder and now Larry really hated Carl.

Finally, after attempting to bother Carl from a distance by taunting him, Larry decided to be more direct in his harassment of Carl. One day as Carl was grazing on some yummy blue berries, Larry took a long sharp stick and snuck up behind Carl and stuck the stick into Carl’s backside. The bear immediately yelled and turned his head around to see standing behind him Larry the raccoon. Larry had a big grin on his face because he had finally gotten Carl’s attention. Larry was not afraid of Carl because Larry had selected a spot in the woods where there was a small tree that Larry could quickly scamper up should the black bear actually attack. Carl also saw the tree right behind Larry and although Carl knew in his mind he could probably catch Larry before he scampered off up the tree Carl decided it was not worth the effort to get revenge against Larry so Carl simply went back to eating his delicious blue berries and once again ignored Larry. Larry lost his big grin and his lower lip stuck out as he pouted. Larry hated Carl even more now since even a stick in the backside did not seem to get Carl’s full attention for long. Larry barely reacted to the sharp stick in the rump that Carl had given him. Larry decided he had better do something even more outrageous to Carl in order to get a greater reaction out of him.

One day Carl was out in the middle of a clearing turning over logs in order to eat some nice plump bugs that were nesting underneath the old dried out timbers. Now, Larry’s obsession with Carl had completely taken over Larry’s life. Larry spent all of his time skulking around watching Carl and growing to hate the large black giant even more as Larry saw how lazily Carl went through life barely working at all for the for his diet of bugs and berries. Besides being powerful and lazy, Larry began to especially hate Carl because Carl went through life seeming to not care what anyone else thought about him. Carl lived in a disheveled old cave that was never cleaned up. Carl also smacked his lips when he ate and passed gas whenever he had a tummy ach and it did not matter to Carl who was around when he demonstrated his bad habits. Unlike Larry, Carl did not want to show off. Larry thought that Carl’s lack of social sense made Carl evil and a bad neighbor. Larry decided he had to make Carl look even worse to the forest community and Larry began to think of himself as a savior of the forest neighborhood. Larry had the idea that if he could continue harassing Carl then Carl might just leave the woods altogether. Larry believed that would earn him the respect of all the forest creatures. After all, all the creatures must surely hate Carl the evil black bear who spent all his days eating berries and bugs instead of becoming a descent member of the woodland society.

The day that Larry spotted Carl out in the clearing Larry decided to try to get Carl’s attention by again stabbing him with a sharp stick. Since there were several feet to run before Larry could get to a tree to run up Larry figured that Carl just might decide to try to chase Larry down before Larry could get to the tree. Once again Larry snuck up upon Carl’s backside this time with a shorter stick and, stabbed the black bear that was busy chewing juicy bugs. The bear roared and turned his head toward Larry and Larry stood there grinning ready to scamper off to the nearest tree and safety. But, as before, Carl just turned back to eating and ignored the sneaky raccoon. This made Larry very, very mad as he walked off back to the woods muttering to himself about how much he hated that black bear. For what an evil creature that black bear must be because he would not pay any attention to Larry.

Finally, as Carl the black bear sat just a few feet outside of his cave Larry decided to demonstrate how brave he truly was by coming up behind the bear and while in between the bear and his bear cave Larry would stab Carl in the back side with a very short, sharp stick. Larry was confident that the bear would do nothing since Larry felt that Carl was just too lazy and stupid to react to anything Larry did. Just as before, Larry snuck up behind Carl and positioned himself between Carl and his cave. Carl was trying to decide what he would forage for and eat that day while busily snapping at flies since the flies attempting to land on Carl’s nose were the only food in Carl’s sight. Suddenly, Carl felt a sharp pain in his backside and turned his head to see Larry standing just inches behind him and twisting a short sharp stick into Carl’s behind. Carl immediately lunged at Larry and grabbed the struggling raccoon by the neck. Carl then proceeded to haul Larry off into his cave where Carl had a nice raccoon meal that was a nice change from eating bugs and berries. Carl was also happy that catching the raccoon had taken very little energy.